Maddie and Cheryl at the Paradise Cove Luau in December. Maddie is of course hamming for the camera.

Cheryl, again, at the Paradise Cove Luau, again, this time in July. Gram and Pop are on the left, we haven't figured out what they are doing yet.

The "gang" at the Missouri (in case you couldn't read) Towards the end of an extremely long day, and proof that SOMEBODY needs to think about hair implants.

Maddie, Emily and Jimmy at the Luau. We don't remember who the kid in the blue shirt was or where he came from.

Part time actors from all over the world descended on Hawaii in response to the open casting call for Baywatch

Second grade children all over the world know that turtles live in the ocean, yet it still thrills my wife to no end.

This turtle was named Kamawao'ole, which is Hawaiian for Mister Poopypants

My son cut off Mr Poopypants' head and used it to fish with. He gets out in 10 with good behavior

These are not my children. Honest

Luckily my neighbor was at the beach to rescue these children, which are not mine, from the surf

Experience is the best teacher.......

Stupid glass eye, where the hell is it?

A gecko isn't scary, until it drops down the back of your shirt

One of the Kilauea vents. Kilauea means "stinking anus of the earth." No, really, it does

Tragedy struck immediately after the luau. An elderly japanese gentleman was separated from his tour group and struck by a bus on the H-1. The Hawaiian paramedics, seen here, were not able to save him.

Beach pick-up at Waimea Beach Park. Baywatch is not allowed to land here. I think it is because they are gay.